Mentally & Physically Struggling

29 July 2015

I was so excited to finish uni because it meant no more assignments, no more stressing over exams and I could finally have to time to blog on a proper schedule. Turns out my body had other ideas. I crashed hard physically and mentally. Since being home I have ended up sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room because I cant manage the stairs. I am living out of a bag in my own house because my mum just brings down what I need. I can't remember the last time I was in my room.

Photo-bombed by Olaf
(Photo taken ages ago Pre pink hair)

My depression pulled me back in and I ended up spending most days curled up in the dark on my sofa bed binge watching netflix. I only got out of bed for coffee and food (and to pee because my bladder is tiny) and I didn't need to do that that often because my PA came in and made me lunch and my mum made dinner. I didn't even realise how depressed I was until my mum told me she was worried about me and then it hit me. I cried a lot at that because the last time it was soo bad. I nearly quit uni and cried most days.

My main issue at the moment is fighting the guilt. I just feel so damn guitly all the time. I feel guilty that I've taken over my parents living room, that they have to do everything for me, that I'm not contributing towards the rent etc. I feel like a burden even though I know my  parents don't feel this way and they've never tried to make me feel this. They always support me and surround me with love and my family are just amazing. (I couldn't do this without them. I just really really need my own place so I can have my own space but that requires a job and that requires better health so life is interesting. I'm also struggling with having no clue what I want to do with my life. I know this is common after finishing uni but having everyone I meet constantly asking if I have a job yet just makes me feel like a failure.

Anyway the point of this post was to tell you why I disappeared and why my posts might not be so frequent. Although I am now determined to dig my way out of this pit and get back to what I love and find new things I love. There's a job coming up with Whizz kidz that I'm applying for and really really hope I get but I'll still be volunteering with them if I don't. I also have come up with loads of blog ideas so I need to start writing and taking photos. I'm also going to try and interact more on Twitter & Instagram so come and chat.

I also want to say thanks to all of you who give me soo much support on Twitter and here. I have no idea what I would do without you. 


Top 10 Non-Disney Animated Films

20 July 2015

I've been slacking in the blogging world again. In my defence though I had my graduation on Friday (outfit post to come) and I've been busy in the build up teaching my brother how to drive which is weird. I feel so old. Also been busy trying to catch some rays. I desperately need a tan.

Back to blogging I did my top 10 Disney films last week so I thought I'd do my top 10 Non-Disney animated films in a quick post

How to Train Your Dragon 1 & 2
Love these films. Hiccup is such an amazing main character. Also I want a pet toothless. He's too cute. I think the second film may even be better than the first now that I am prepared for the sad bit.

Who doesn't love Shrek. I mean there's a talking donkey, what isn't to love?
The Road to El Dorado
Such an epic film. Soo much sass. If you haven't seen this film you are missing out.

The Croods
This film is one of my favourites. I just love the animation and the animals that are in it are soo cool.

This has the best one liners. I cant even pick my fave robot. Maybe Fender, plus his britney impression is the bomb

Happy Feet 2
Definitely better than the 1st although thats still awesome. You cant really beat singing and dancing cute fluffy baby penguins. Plus this got me and my friend through tough times at uni,
Gnomeo & Juliet
This became our hangover film at uni with Elton Johns Hello Hello becoming the song we belted out drunk. This film is genius Who's your Gnomey?

This was the film I spent all day watching with the worst and last hangover of my uni career. It's such a good film. Rio is such a naive bird and needs a girl to save his butt. So many epic characters.

Hotel Transylvania  
What a film. I cannot wait for the second one. Over protective dads are even worse when they are a vampire. All your favourite monsters are there

The Lorax
Dr Seuss films are awesome with the Lorax being one of the best. I want one of the trees in it.

What are your favourites?


Personalised Hoodies

13 July 2015

I've been meaning to get this post up for aaages. In April I think it was my family and I went to Devon. I did a couple of posts on one of our meals and horse riding but I never got around to the coolest part.  If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you will have seen that I got a fabulous Pink hoodie.

Naww look at us. We look like abandoned old people.

Anyway back to the hoodies. When we were on holiday we went to Paignton. Stupidly we went Bank Holiday Monday and it was sooo busy but apart from that it was a lovely day out filled with sunshine and food.

My brother, a very keen shopper, noticed this shop was doing personalisations from £5. He has wanted one for ages so he dragged us in.

Choosing a colour was the start of many tough decisions. I am not  a very decisive person at the best of times and being put on the spot by my mum made it so much harder. I was tempted by a more neutral grey and pink one but the pink matched my hair so it was meant to be. I sized up but looking back I wish I hadn't as they are quite roomy.

They have loads of designs and pictures that you can pick from and when you choose what you want you can pick out of a huge amount of fonts and then you can pick your colour. See my issue? I was given way too much choice. I couldn't cope. My brother desperately wanted the wheelchair symbol and when we asked they said they could find one for us but the printing would take a bit longer. This was fine because it meant we got to go back the next day and have more ice cream.

They are such lovely people and so helpful. The hoodies and t-shirts go up to a 5XL and they have kids sizes so they cater for a wide range of sizes. You can get bags, hats, shorts, tops. So much choice. I could spend a fortune in there.

They do have a website but we were told that they don't have a secure payment page so if you phone up you can give your details over the phone and they will post it out to you.

I'm definitely going to be getting another hoodie. Thinking maybe having "Not A Morning Person" put on it so cheery people don't try and talk to me at stupid oclock.

What do you think?


Top 10 Disney Films

12 July 2015

After feeling a bit crappy yesterday and immediately reaching for a Disney film to cheer me up I thought I'd get back into the swing of blogging by posting my top 10 Disney films. I really have been awful at posting recently. Here's hoping I can stick to my schedule again.

So here goes, my top 10 in no particular order because picking just 10 was hard enough without ranking them too.
Top Disney films
Princess & the Frog
This is probably my favourite Disney film ever and it is so under rated and it is always the one I reach for first on a bad day (today). I love everything about it, especially Ray and I'm not sure I will ever get over his death. Tiana is so badass and she takes on the challenge of being a frog like a boss. I would probably freak out a tad more

Also another favourite. I watch this film far too often and am slightly in love with Flynn rider. He's pretty hot for an animated guy. I wanna see the lights too. How pretty are they?
Top Disney films
Jungle Book
This film always made me kinda want to grow up in the jungle mainly because I wanted to have a baby elephant and a bear and a panther and wolves as friends. How cool would that be? Also the soundtrack is so cool.

Little Mermaid
As a mermaid I obviously have to love this film. I always wanted Ariel's hair (plus her tail would be awesome). My nan is also called Ursula so I found it hilarious that the villain shared my nans name.
Top Disney films
This is another totally underrated film with so many amazing characters. Princess Kida was pretty much the definition of badass. Everything about her is soo cool including her outfit and her hair. She totally started the white/grey hair trend

Who doesn't love Mulan. Mushu is probably the best sidekick. He's so sassy. Also I'll make a man out of you is the best motivational song ever. It Was my gym song and revision song. If anyone ever says Lets get down to business its the rules to finish the sentence with "to defeat the huns". Speaking of The Huns, they are freaking terrifying.
Top Disney films
Hands down the sassiest film ever. Hades is like the king of Sass. He has to be my favourite villain ever. I love Meg and her don't need a man to save me attitude plus she rocks that ponytail. The Soundtrack is also pretty epic

Lilo & Stitch
I love this film so much. I even have a cuddly Stitch teddy and desperately want an Ohana tattoo. Stitch is just adorable and the relationship between Nani and Lilo is amazing. Way better than Frozen in my opinion (although I did enjoy frozen).
Top Disney films
Emperors New Groove
Boom baby. Kuzco is such an asshole and Yzma has to be the creepiest woman ever. This film is just magic and I often get weird looks from my family when I tell them to pull the lever.

Lion King
Is it possible to watch this and not cry? I don't think it is. My mum came home to find me crying one day & freaked out. When she asked me what was wrong and I said that Mufasa had died she pissed herself laughing. Me and a friend also used to belt out I can't wait to be king every pre drinks. It was pretty magical and that song is not the same without her Zazu voice.

I love Disney and nearly have all of them and picking just 10 was soo hard. 

Which ones are your favourites?


Watched in June

7 July 2015

So my schedule seems to have gone out the window recently. I've been out pretending I actually have a life. I went out for the most amazing meal, been working with Whizz Kidz and met up with some amazing friends at the West Midlands Safari Park. I've had to have quite a few resst days this week as well so much TV has been watched. As well as these I've also still been watching Hawaii 5 O and I've started Bones again from the start because my mum wanted to watch it. I got her the box set for her birthday because Im a top daughter (Plus I want them too)

The Wild Thornberrys Movie
I used to love this tv show as a kid. I wanted to be Eliza so bad. I mean she can talk to animals, how awesome would that be. I don't think I'd ever seen the movie though so when I saw it was on Netflix it seemed like perfect viewing for my bed day.
It's such a good film. The hunt is on to save the animals, especially a cheetah cup from Poachers. Eliza gets herself into trouble as usual. If you have netflix go watch it.

The Big Wedding
Also on Netflix. I just clicked the first film in my rather long to watch list to accompany me on my rest day. I was actually surprised by how much I enjoyed this film. Makes a change from all the action I watch. Its a great comedy about a long divorced couple faking being married for their adopted sons wedding. As can be expected it all goes wrong and there's the predicted drama.

Orange is the New Black 
I'm pretty sure the majority of the world has watched OITNB this month however I am seriously slacking and am still only on episode 5. My brother won't let me watch it on my own and I've been so busy this month. However Piper is already pissing me off.

I really don't know how I feel about this film. I loved the storyline but some of the special effects were so bad. Peoples heads exploding like fireworks and the arms being chopped off were worse than kill bill. Samuel L Jacksons accent was also pretty horrific. Who thought that was a good idea. Apart from that though I did really enjoy it. The storyline was really good and I laughed loads. I think I'd probably watch it again and it may be a grower.

The Prince
I do love a good action film. When his daughter is kidnapped, a retired assassin (The Prince) is drawn back into the life he gave up. To rescue her, he must confront his former rival (Bruce Willis). There is a lot of gun fight and why can the bad guys never hit their target even when they have more man power? Was a pretty good action film although I was a little confused between the relationship between the dad and his daughters friend. They seemed a tad too close 

Greys Anatomy
I finally got around to watching season 11 and oh my god so many tears. Luckily I was at home on my own so no one was there to witness the mess that was my face. Why would they do that to me. I was no prepared. I think Greys has to be my favourite TV show, hands down.

What have you been watching?


DSA Support at Uni

1 July 2015

So I did a fun post speaking about what I learnt at uni (mainly to do with drinking) so I thought I'd do a more serious post for anyone with a chronic illness who is planning to or thinking about heading to uni and the support you can get through the Disabled Student Allowance


There is no way I would have made it through uni without the support systems I had in place. It was hard as hell even with them sometimes so I can't imagine what it would be like without. I went for a DSA assesment and explained to the lovely lady what was actually wrong with me and everything I struggled with. She also suggested a few other things I might find difficult. She then gave me solutions to all my problems. However, this was 4-5 years ago and I think they are less willing to give stuff now because of cuts etc but if you are prepared and make sure you go armed with a list of what you struggle to do they should be able to help.

- Note taker - This was a life saver and I could not have coped without one. I was lucky that my note taker also became one of my best friends which was amazing but she also provided so much support. She was with me in all of my lectures so I didn't have to injure myself to take notes and could focus on listening (or trying not to fall asleep). She also went to my lectures when I was too ill to go so I could still have notes.

- Practical Assistant - My degree was lab based and I struggle with the fiddly parts like opening bottles etc and I also drop things so I had an assistant (also my note taker) to help me. She also wrote down my results and jotted down important things so I wouldn't forget later.

- Laptop & software - I was given a laptop so that I could take notes in lectures as well as my note takers and so that I didn't have to battle to hand write anything. This came with speech recognition software (which is really amusing to start with whilst it gets used to your accent) so on bad hand days I could still work. I also got software which would read to me and one I could brain storm on and one that I could use to change the colour of screens for my eyes.

- Dictaphone - A godsend in lectures. I could record my lectures and then listen back when I needed to revise (that is until mine magically disappeared).

- Extra time & a computer/scribe in exams - Exams are horrific for anyone but mix in brain fog, poor concentration and pain and they are hell. Extra time and not having to frantically scribble helps so much. I would recommend a computer over a scribe because dictating an exam is so difficult. I would have done so badly if I had to write my essay based exams

- Height adjustable desk & memory foam desk chair - Because I was going to be spending so much time at my desk I got specialised equipment and it helped so much. I could move the desk depending on if I couldnt get out of me wheelchair that day or needed to stand because of my back and the chair is so comfy it made hours of dissertation writing less painful.

- Proof Reader and Essay Help - This is usually for dyslexic students but because of my poor concentration and brain fog the DSA lady suggested it. They help with planning essays and how to lay it out and then proof read for any silly mistakes

- Library assistant & extended loan - I had an assistant to help me get books from high shelves and carry the heavy ones for me. I also got an automatic 2 week extension on my loan time.

- Printing allowance  - I was given a printing allowance as I struggle to read on a laptop screen and I have to print so much to make notes and give to my note taker to take notes etc.

- Assignment extension - I was given an extension on assignments without needing a Drs note or being docked marks for handing in late.

University's are usually pretty good at providing the support you need and they are so much better than schools. University isn't for everyone but don't let your disability or illness be the only reason you don't go.

If you have any questions you can leave a comment, tweet me @Bendy_mermaid or email me at and I will do my best to help