So I thought I'd write an update on my uni struggles.
Really good news is that my struggles are easing. I have finally finished all my late assignment so I am up to date on all my work ready to start semester 2 next week. I cannot tell you how happy I am that I caught up. I never thought I would manage it but I did.
On the exam front I have done 2 of them. The clinical biochemistry exam could have gone better and the molecular biology and biochemistry exam was horrible but I was expecting it to be. Just have to wait for the results now but at least they are over. I have my histology and histochemistry exam on Wednesday and its multiple choice and tissue recognition so shouldn't be as bad as the other 2, fingers crossed.
Health wise I'm still feeling pretty shitty but loads better than a few months ago. It helps that I'm feeling a lot more positive and like I can do this whole uni thing and I will. The cold weather is really starting to get to my joints and I feel like a 90 year old. The snow sucks and is making getting about terrifying. I really don't want to slip and injure myself like I tend to do every other time it snows. I'm doing okay with that so far but I cannot wait for summer.
I've decided doctors really don't like me and find it highly hilarious to give me appointments that I really need to go to just in time for me to be back at uni. I was supposed to see my rheumatologist when I was at home for Christmas but turns out she is running 8 weeks behind. I now have appointments for neurology and rheumatology on the 20th and 21st of February. I have to drive home which is 3hrs away & then the hospital is an hour away from home so that will be a fun few days. Hopefully can get some answers about my muscle spasms, back and rib pain etc.
Well this has been a boring update
Chow for now
Uni, stress, pain and life
5 January 2013
So this is my first post of the year. I'm really bad at writing here so hoping to get to write more this year.
My health definitely declined toward the end of last year. Hoping that this year I can improve it a little bit. I mean even a little bit is better than nothing...right? Going to see how much swimming at the local gym costs and hopefully work on my poor muscle strength.
The last few months have been really tough. I thought about dropping out of uni and dreamed of being able to just live in bed all day every day. The depression got really bad and I didn't think I would be able to fight through it this time. My mum told me after that she thought I was suicidal and to be honest I think I was close. Every other time I've been able to tell myself that things could only get better but not this time. Even the weather wasn't on my side. My joints were agony and dragging myself out of bed after little sleep meant I was beyond exhausted before the day even started (not really new but more exhausted than usual). The cold and rain was managing to get into my joints and I felt like I needed oiling. Some days it was just too much and I had to stay in bed.
I missed lectures and got further and further behind and the work started piling up. I was so far behind that I knew there was no way I was ever going to catch up before the end of the semester. It didn't help that it got so stressful and the more work I had to do the more I stressed the more ill I got and I fell further behind.
After a really tearful phone call to my mum where I just cried down the phone saying I don't know what to do over and over again she packed the car and drove the 3hrs to come and see me in uni. I have no idea what I would do without my mum. She took me to see my disability advisor who spoke to all my lecturers and got me extended extensions on the 3 pieces of work I was stressing over most so they don't have to be in until next semester. Mum also helped me word a presentation and essay because my extremely medicated brain was struggling with forming sentences and concentrating.
I also spoke to my tutor about going part time. I was going to do the rest of this yr part time but after discussing it we decided there weren't enough modules to do to make it worth while. However I am going to do my third year part time so that I can do the modules one year and then have a whole year to do my dissertation. Hopefully this will mean I don't go through the stress next year and it will give me more time to focus on my work and hopefully get the highest grades I can.
I have almost caught up with work I fell behind in. I have 2 write ups and 3 exams to be finished by end of January and then I am up to date and ready to start next semester.My body is still being stupid and I'm still having a lot more pain than last year but the depression has lifted thanks to my amazing family and friends (online and offline).
A few months ago I really didn't think that I would still be in uni, smiling and loving life again. The cloud of depression was thick. I know it will probably come back again before I finish uni but I fought through it once more. It definitely wasn't easy but I know you guys can too and if anyone ever needs to chat I am here for you. I still have days when I think jacking in uni would be so much easier but I have always loved a challenge and uni is the most fun I have ever had. I have made some amazing friends and I've got so much more confidence now.
I quite often feel I have been dealt a bum card with having EDS and fibro but I wouldnt be the person I am today without it. My disability has shaped who I am. I have learnt to adapt. Yeah there are still things I cant do like run a marathon or even walk around the shops without pain but there is still so much I can do. Like go to uni, make amazing friends and have a life. This year I am determined to stop looking at all the things I cant do and actually do the things I can do.
My health definitely declined toward the end of last year. Hoping that this year I can improve it a little bit. I mean even a little bit is better than nothing...right? Going to see how much swimming at the local gym costs and hopefully work on my poor muscle strength.
The last few months have been really tough. I thought about dropping out of uni and dreamed of being able to just live in bed all day every day. The depression got really bad and I didn't think I would be able to fight through it this time. My mum told me after that she thought I was suicidal and to be honest I think I was close. Every other time I've been able to tell myself that things could only get better but not this time. Even the weather wasn't on my side. My joints were agony and dragging myself out of bed after little sleep meant I was beyond exhausted before the day even started (not really new but more exhausted than usual). The cold and rain was managing to get into my joints and I felt like I needed oiling. Some days it was just too much and I had to stay in bed.
I missed lectures and got further and further behind and the work started piling up. I was so far behind that I knew there was no way I was ever going to catch up before the end of the semester. It didn't help that it got so stressful and the more work I had to do the more I stressed the more ill I got and I fell further behind.
After a really tearful phone call to my mum where I just cried down the phone saying I don't know what to do over and over again she packed the car and drove the 3hrs to come and see me in uni. I have no idea what I would do without my mum. She took me to see my disability advisor who spoke to all my lecturers and got me extended extensions on the 3 pieces of work I was stressing over most so they don't have to be in until next semester. Mum also helped me word a presentation and essay because my extremely medicated brain was struggling with forming sentences and concentrating.
I also spoke to my tutor about going part time. I was going to do the rest of this yr part time but after discussing it we decided there weren't enough modules to do to make it worth while. However I am going to do my third year part time so that I can do the modules one year and then have a whole year to do my dissertation. Hopefully this will mean I don't go through the stress next year and it will give me more time to focus on my work and hopefully get the highest grades I can.
I have almost caught up with work I fell behind in. I have 2 write ups and 3 exams to be finished by end of January and then I am up to date and ready to start next semester.My body is still being stupid and I'm still having a lot more pain than last year but the depression has lifted thanks to my amazing family and friends (online and offline).
A few months ago I really didn't think that I would still be in uni, smiling and loving life again. The cloud of depression was thick. I know it will probably come back again before I finish uni but I fought through it once more. It definitely wasn't easy but I know you guys can too and if anyone ever needs to chat I am here for you. I still have days when I think jacking in uni would be so much easier but I have always loved a challenge and uni is the most fun I have ever had. I have made some amazing friends and I've got so much more confidence now.
I quite often feel I have been dealt a bum card with having EDS and fibro but I wouldnt be the person I am today without it. My disability has shaped who I am. I have learnt to adapt. Yeah there are still things I cant do like run a marathon or even walk around the shops without pain but there is still so much I can do. Like go to uni, make amazing friends and have a life. This year I am determined to stop looking at all the things I cant do and actually do the things I can do.