Falling Back in Love with Myself

11 July 2016

This is gonna be a general word vomit kinda post and there is a TW for weight loss, body image, eating disorders. Please don't read if any talk of weight loss will trigger you. Be safe and I love you <3

I've been on slimming world for a year and lost 3 and a half stone. I still want to lose a bit more but I've really been struggling with my body image recently. Slimming world has been great for helping me lose weight and sort out my meals etc. I eat so much healthier now, all our meals are cooked from scratch (thanks mum) and I eat a lot more fruit and veg.

We've recently had a load of birthdays and life has been hectic so obviously my food choices haven't been great. Who can say no to cake? Plus we've been out for a lot of birthday meals. This means I've had a few months of maintaining my weight or gains. This shouldn't bother me. I haven't eaten my healthiest and I've been having fun.

Unfortunately it was getting to me. I was dreading weigh night to the point of actually feeling sick. I felt judged by everyone there (99% they weren't judging me at all) because I haven't lost weight in ages. However, I did find that Slimming world tends to feel like Fat is bad. You can't be happy fat and a lot of people talk with a lot of hatred towards their body's which was also getting me down. I felt like I shouldn't be happy with myself. I was putting so much pressure on myself. This made it so that I wasn't enjoying my food at all. I would eat some birthday cake or go for a meal out. It would be delicious but as soon as I'd finished it I felt guilty and like I was cheating. It genuinely affected my mood. No one should feel guilty for eating.

L-R 5 years ago, last year and 2 weeks ago

I've always been bigger than my friends. Been plus size my whole teenage life. Being able to exercise when your body literally falls apart makes life very difficult. School work, having a life and my health have always been way more important to me than being skinny. Even now I'm not bothered about being skinny. I just want to feel a tad more confident in my clothes and eat healthier. So when did I let my body start getting me down?

My weight has never stopped me doing anything. I've never felt ugly because of my weight and no one ever should. If you follow me on instagram you may have noticed I'm a tad vain. Love a good selfie or 3.

I've quit slimming world to give myself a break from the pressure. I'm still sticking to the healthier eating although there have been a few doughnuts involved. I'm going to try super hard to fall back in love with myself. Going to forget all about my weight and go by how I feel. I also desperately want to get a high waisted bikini to feel like a goddess for the summer so let me know your recommendations. I'm off to check out all my fave plus size babe bloggers.

If you read this whole thing you get a gold star <3

Beth...x


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